my earrings way too much
althouhg they don't pull down at all
they just seem to sit there and dangle hugely
it is frustrating
every time i turn my head they continue to wiggle for far to many more seconds
wiggling wiggling wiggling
a kind of clog to my brain
a constant distraction from my thoughts
damn earrings
i think i'll take them out

and you know how amazing it feels when everything is right
well it feels just like that if amazing was awful
when you realize
how wrong they really are
and how rotten the apples on the bottom really are

for the first time
in forever
i feel like everything
is right

i always envied the angels
they could fly and leave the world behind
and i was stuck alone standing on the dirt
but i just now realized
we don't need wings
because we can fly without them
and it is the angels that are lost
and must sew feathers to their spines
and devote themselves to gods will
and it is us
who are free

when you touch me
my whole body tingles
and i can't think
only nod and smile absently
to the person i'm talking to
i ache to touch you
i twist and bend if only to feel your hand for a few more seconds
and when your hand is gone
i can feel the withdrawal
feel that i am lacking some crucial part of existence

what a fickle person i am
i need to learn to make up my silly mind
it seems the moment a fulfill one craving i am pulled immediately to the next

i want that boy

i cant stop
my body just keeps shivering
and im thinking of you thinking of you thinking of you
thinking of your arm around my waste
thinking of your lips touching mine
and my spine just wont stop tingling
because im thinking of you thinking of you thinking of you

how i crave stories
to slip into another life
one filled with far more excitement
pain that makes you cry because it means something
a life with so much more meaning that your own
if i could fade away into a story
i would

twirl twirl twirl
"i have to breath, you cant take that from me"
"cuz its all that you've left thats mine"
breath and twirl
its all we have left

you don't understand
"your just such a close friend i dont want to lose you"
fuck that, what if i don't want to be friends?
what then? shall i bend to your will?
what if my friendship with you was strengthened solely on hope?
hope of not being friends
"i just dont want to lose your friendship"
haha what a stupid line. because realize it or not you have been and are losing it.

SPLASH
the water ripples, and a choppy portrayal of an ugly girl looks back at her
she envies the people that look pretty when they cry, how lucky.
SPLASH
she slaps at the water
how stupid she is. for wanting a happy ending to one of the stories that are her life
she expected one of them to comfort her but then she thought about it and realized there was no one left.
no one left to love her.
even her friends had left
and now she is utterly alone crying at how desperately she tries and how stupidly she fails.
the poor girl
some who see her think to themselves "she has friends she just doesn't see them"
"prove it" she thinks show me how they care
others whisper to each other "she doesn't even try to be happy"
"but i have" she screams within the confines of her mind. "i have, i have, i have, but its hard to persist after constant let downs and rejections.
and the one she hates hearing the most the one she can see in their eyes
"everyone has problems"
that doesn't mean they don't hurt us that doesn't mean they don't break us inside.